Ùrachadh mu Dheireadh 27/11/2018
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TIOTAL
Gaelic Arts Agency Storytelling Project - clip 10
EXTERNAL ID
PC_LEWIS_STORY_TELLERS_2_2
DEIT
1999
LINN
1990an
NEACH-FIOSRACHAIDH
Essie Stewart
AITHNEACHADH MAOINE
41312
KEYWORDS

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Donnie 'Hòbhail' (introduced at end of last clip) stands to tell the story of the graveyard, reminded of it by a previous yarn. In Laxay the graveyard is beside the salmon river. This night two poachers decided to divide up the spoils inside the graveyard where they thought no-one would see them. But an elder passed through, and he heard 'That one's yours, that one's mine, that one's yours, that ....'. So the elder headed into the church, as white as plaster, and the minister asked what on earth was wrong. The elder replied he had heard voices in the graveyard. So out they headed, stood at the gate and listened and heard, 'that one's yours, that one's mine....'. Now, unfortunately, the minister and the elder, had not noticed the two salmon on the ground near them which the poachers had dropped on the way in. So when the poachers had finished, the church men heard, 'Now, what about the two beasts at the gate?'

Donnie then goes on to a tale about a castle, since that had featured in another story. In Skye there were lots of aristocracy, 'daoine mòra', far more than were ever in Lewis. But this particular one would give 'dinner' to the workers at the season end, and there was a man in the village called 'Gilleasbaig Aotrom' (Lightheaded Archie) and he was always on the go to see where big dinners were to be had. Anyway, goose was on the menu this time, and Archie came in and saw the goose lying cooked on its back on the table, and he went over and pulled off one of its legs, and went off and ate it. So when the laird came in and went over to the table, there was the goose lying, like the Co-op van in a ditch. He stood looking at it, then he called Archie over, 'Come here, come here! What did you do with the other leg of that beast?'

'What beast?' replied Archie. 'That goose there!' said the other.

'Isn't every goose one-legged?' responded Archie.

'No, every goose is not one-legged.'

'Oh, yes' says Archie.

'Come on then,' said the laird. They went outside and the laird pointed out the twenty geese at the side of the barn. But they were having a rest, one leg up in the air!

'Didn't I tell you,' said Archie. 'Och well, you did ... Cush,' said the laird and all the geese went.

'Ah, but you didn't say 'cush' to the one that was on the table,' said Archie.

Now Donnie moves on to Berneray (Lewis). There was this man who never sewed oats, but grass, but he'd never be without oats. Anyway, this night there was a couple courting in the barn, not on a couch they way they do today! Anyway they heard this man come into the barn, hide among the oats, then work with the oats, putting some in a sack, tying it, but then he couldn't lift it - he had put too much in. So he went down on one knee to try to lift it, and finally he was kneeling on the floor still without success, and then he said, 'Lord help me!' At that, he managed to get back up on one knee. 'Well', he said, 'maybe you shouldn't have bothered!'
What about that - too much weight, and he was stealing it!

There was another man, in Berneray, called the 'Mànyan', and he was very funny. This day his wife said to him, 'Angus I'm off to the Carloway communions.'

Now, Carloway communions always got bad weather, rain.

'Carloway communions,' Angus said, 'well maybe you should go up and put on the oilskin, the sou'wester and the leggings.' So off she went to the communions, but didn't put on any oilskin. So she returned on the Monday, as they did in those days, but that night she started coughing. She was no better on Tuesday and was worse on Wednesday. Now, at that time the doctor was Doctor Ross, who went to Berneray on a Wednesday and he liked to pull Angus's leg. So Angus went to Dr. Ross and asked him to give him something for Effie, his wife. The doctor got him to describe her symptoms, and then he said, 'Effie is pregnant!' Angus responded, 'Doctor, the south-west wind at Carloway communions never made a woman pregnant before now!'

So then Donnie starts on his final tale of the set: there was a man on the Isle of Skye, and he phoned to Uist to get a horse. At that time all the horses were got from Uist, and there was no ferry, so the horse would be tied in a box, and so on. So this man went with his son to Uig, and there was the horse in the box. So they put a rope on it, they tried to move it and so on, but the horse wouldn't budge. So off he went to the phone and phoned the seller in Uist, and said (I won't use his bad language), but he said, 'What kind of a beast is this you've sent me?'

'Ah,' said the Uist man, 'if you use that kind of language, the horse won't move at all. That horse was raised in a religious home, a Catholic home, and if you want him to move, you'll need to go and speak quietly in his ear and say, 'Praise the Lord,' and then the horse will move, and if you want him to run, you say it louder.'

'Ah,' said the Lewisman, 'but what if I want it to stop?'

'That's easy enough - just say 'Amen.''

So the Lewisman went to the horse and said, 'Praise the Lord' quietly in his ear, and the horse jumped out of the box, the man leapt on its back and off they went. But he forgot 'Amen' and he shouted 'Whoa!' They ran on jumping over wall and fence, with the Lewisman shouting 'Whoa!' until he thought his final hour had come and he started praying. At the end of his prayer he said 'Amen'. The horse stopped dead, right above the rocks. The Lewisman looked over the horse's shoulder and saw the rocks below, and he said, 'Praise the Lord!'

Airson stiùireadh mu bhith a’ cleachdadh ìomhaighean agus susbaint eile, faicibh duilleag ‘Na Cumhaichean air Fad.’
’S e companaidh cuibhrichte fo bharantas clàraichte ann an Alba Àir. SC407011 agus carthannas clàraichte Albannach Àir. SC042593 a th’ ann an High Life na Gàidhealtachd.
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Gaelic Arts Agency Storytelling Project - clip 10

1990an

Essie Stewart

Donnie 'Hòbhail' (introduced at end of last clip) stands to tell the story of the graveyard, reminded of it by a previous yarn. In Laxay the graveyard is beside the salmon river. This night two poachers decided to divide up the spoils inside the graveyard where they thought no-one would see them. But an elder passed through, and he heard 'That one's yours, that one's mine, that one's yours, that ....'. So the elder headed into the church, as white as plaster, and the minister asked what on earth was wrong. The elder replied he had heard voices in the graveyard. So out they headed, stood at the gate and listened and heard, 'that one's yours, that one's mine....'. Now, unfortunately, the minister and the elder, had not noticed the two salmon on the ground near them which the poachers had dropped on the way in. So when the poachers had finished, the church men heard, 'Now, what about the two beasts at the gate?'<br /> <br /> Donnie then goes on to a tale about a castle, since that had featured in another story. In Skye there were lots of aristocracy, 'daoine mòra', far more than were ever in Lewis. But this particular one would give 'dinner' to the workers at the season end, and there was a man in the village called 'Gilleasbaig Aotrom' (Lightheaded Archie) and he was always on the go to see where big dinners were to be had. Anyway, goose was on the menu this time, and Archie came in and saw the goose lying cooked on its back on the table, and he went over and pulled off one of its legs, and went off and ate it. So when the laird came in and went over to the table, there was the goose lying, like the Co-op van in a ditch. He stood looking at it, then he called Archie over, 'Come here, come here! What did you do with the other leg of that beast?' <br /> <br /> 'What beast?' replied Archie. 'That goose there!' said the other.<br /> <br /> 'Isn't every goose one-legged?' responded Archie.<br /> <br /> 'No, every goose is not one-legged.'<br /> <br /> 'Oh, yes' says Archie.<br /> <br /> 'Come on then,' said the laird. They went outside and the laird pointed out the twenty geese at the side of the barn. But they were having a rest, one leg up in the air!<br /> <br /> 'Didn't I tell you,' said Archie. 'Och well, you did ... Cush,' said the laird and all the geese went.<br /> <br /> 'Ah, but you didn't say 'cush' to the one that was on the table,' said Archie.<br /> <br /> Now Donnie moves on to Berneray (Lewis). There was this man who never sewed oats, but grass, but he'd never be without oats. Anyway, this night there was a couple courting in the barn, not on a couch they way they do today! Anyway they heard this man come into the barn, hide among the oats, then work with the oats, putting some in a sack, tying it, but then he couldn't lift it - he had put too much in. So he went down on one knee to try to lift it, and finally he was kneeling on the floor still without success, and then he said, 'Lord help me!' At that, he managed to get back up on one knee. 'Well', he said, 'maybe you shouldn't have bothered!'<br /> What about that - too much weight, and he was stealing it!<br /> <br /> There was another man, in Berneray, called the 'Mànyan', and he was very funny. This day his wife said to him, 'Angus I'm off to the Carloway communions.'<br /> <br /> Now, Carloway communions always got bad weather, rain. <br /> <br /> 'Carloway communions,' Angus said, 'well maybe you should go up and put on the oilskin, the sou'wester and the leggings.' So off she went to the communions, but didn't put on any oilskin. So she returned on the Monday, as they did in those days, but that night she started coughing. She was no better on Tuesday and was worse on Wednesday. Now, at that time the doctor was Doctor Ross, who went to Berneray on a Wednesday and he liked to pull Angus's leg. So Angus went to Dr. Ross and asked him to give him something for Effie, his wife. The doctor got him to describe her symptoms, and then he said, 'Effie is pregnant!' Angus responded, 'Doctor, the south-west wind at Carloway communions never made a woman pregnant before now!'<br /> <br /> So then Donnie starts on his final tale of the set: there was a man on the Isle of Skye, and he phoned to Uist to get a horse. At that time all the horses were got from Uist, and there was no ferry, so the horse would be tied in a box, and so on. So this man went with his son to Uig, and there was the horse in the box. So they put a rope on it, they tried to move it and so on, but the horse wouldn't budge. So off he went to the phone and phoned the seller in Uist, and said (I won't use his bad language), but he said, 'What kind of a beast is this you've sent me?'<br /> <br /> 'Ah,' said the Uist man, 'if you use that kind of language, the horse won't move at all. That horse was raised in a religious home, a Catholic home, and if you want him to move, you'll need to go and speak quietly in his ear and say, 'Praise the Lord,' and then the horse will move, and if you want him to run, you say it louder.'<br /> <br /> 'Ah,' said the Lewisman, 'but what if I want it to stop?'<br /> <br /> 'That's easy enough - just say 'Amen.''<br /> <br /> So the Lewisman went to the horse and said, 'Praise the Lord' quietly in his ear, and the horse jumped out of the box, the man leapt on its back and off they went. But he forgot 'Amen' and he shouted 'Whoa!' They ran on jumping over wall and fence, with the Lewisman shouting 'Whoa!' until he thought his final hour had come and he started praying. At the end of his prayer he said 'Amen'. The horse stopped dead, right above the rocks. The Lewisman looked over the horse's shoulder and saw the rocks below, and he said, 'Praise the Lord!'